Contemplations of Yogash

The smell of cilantro and basil pouring through a springtime kitchen,

The taste of German chocolate,

The sights of purple lizzies on my table and purple petunias through the back window,

The touch of my animals, snuggling up to say good morning,

The sounds of nature greeting the new day,

The feeling of security, support and shelter.

The choices of freedom and life.

I am grateful.

Keeping up with the reports of such deep destruction, trauma and despair in Myanmar and China, I began to feel guilty for having such a safe, comfortable existence.  Actually, I have felt more guilt in the complaints that I have about my life.  The list is too trivial to even discuss or think of it in light of the suffering that continues in the world today. 

The philosophy of the tantra teaches me to see the hand of grace in everything.  It is so hard to understand that even destruction of this magnitude holds life and learning within the darkness.  I just keep trusting.  So, today, I sit and offer light to those in need, and offer support to those I am able to touch on a daily basis.  This is my yoga today. 

This contemplation came from my friend, Krystyn, in Colorado.  I’m happy to share her story with all of you (with her permission, of course!)

I set out yesterday morning for my usual morning walk with more excitement than usual.  I’ve been asking for an animal totem for guidance and today I really felt I was going to have an incredible encounter. And boy did I have a royal flush of an experience.  My morning walk consists of a 2 mile walk to the mindful bump, technically it’s a dip where the overflow from Lake Bauer flows to a creek and then joins with the Mancos River

My first encounter was standing in the middle of the road as if to block my passage, a very bold statement for this notoriously shy creature.  He was in the middle of the dip and starring directly at me.    As almost immediate as I see him standing there I am whisked to my thoughts of Wilmington and feelings of love for the friends that reside there. There are over 43 different species of Heron, ranging in colors from white, to green, and the illustrious Great Blue.  An incredibly solitary creature the Heron only gathers with others at night and during breeding season.  An excellent huntsman the Heron spends most of its waking time stalking the shallows for small aquatic life.  The Heron reminds us to be still patient and wade slowly in the shallows never getting too deep.  I can’t help but identify with his solitary nature.  Our moment is interrupted by one of the many four legged friends accompanying me on my walk.  As I watch him fly away his neck bent to an S shape keeping his throat close to his heart I am reminded to speak my truth through the filter of my own heart.

The heron surprisingly joined another perched in a nearby budding Cottonwood.  I pause briefly recognizing the pair but my attention is immediately drawn to a neighboring tree where the pair of Bald Eagles sit.  Again I am reminded of patience as I watch these two joined in the art of raising young wait motionless.  Eagle medicine represents the power of Great Spirit and connection to the Divine.  It reminds us to soar above and look beyond what we see possible.  I’ve been watching this pair for a few weeks now.  I saw one earlier this week that had caught a fish too big to carry and was struggling to get back to her nest and feed the babies.  Recognizing her triumph I thought maybe too much abundance is too much.  Beaming with gratitude for these four birds sitting above the land perched, ready, waiting, I exhale and turn to see an otter swimming past.

Divine in nature the incredibly feminine Otter reminds us to be joyful, open, and trusting.  She is known to play with her young and is associated with abundance and magic.  The message I take from her today is to be conscious of deficit thinking.  Sometimes it shows up as jealousy, coveting, or wanting to hold on too tight.  If we are to truly love its unconditional love without object.  Divine love means tapping into the deep core of universal love that surrounds us all.  I watch her swim diving to the bottom time countless times each time retrieving some crunchy bottom dweller.  She moves gracefully knowing there’s enough for us all.  She dips out of sight and I continue on my walk.

I’ve been spinning with contemplation since this mystical morning.  I went back to my secret spot today to contemplate these messages.  I definitely get patience, magical, and connection.  I affirm my intentions and recognize that I need to be fully here and focus on what I am creating.  All is possible!

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Krystyn, thank you for your story and reminders to ask for support from many sources!  As always, you are an amazing inspiration to me!  Keep on manifesting all of your dreams.  Love,  Ash

Each day, I have been heading to the creek at sunset to see if I can catch sight of the swans and their baby cygnets.  Every evening, they greet me at the marsh edge.  Last night, sitting on the dock, the larger of the two swan hissed and almost stood on the surface of the water, naturally, protecting the babies from potential danger from the interlopers that came bearing gifts of bread. 

Nature is at play in every moment.  I have slowed way down to actually notice the unfolding of nature in this beautiful new season.  I have witnessed the birth of the next generation, watching the baby signets begin to venture out just a little further than just a few days ago.  Feeding the daddy swan the other day, I was close enough to notice a grasshopper taking a ride on his back wing, waiting patiently for him to finish his pause at the dock to venture down the creek for an evening stroll.

In years past, I was too busy to watch the spring unfold.  Now, I find myself wanting to do nothing but be with nature and be her student. 

My new animal teacher, of course, is the swan.  As I was opening my recent purchases of old, used books from the Friends of the Library book sale, I surprisingly came across a tattered and worn book, Swan Song.  I don’t exactly know why I chose to place that book in my bag.  Most of my other books had to do with something that I have interest in reading, such as, The Ascent of Man, and World’s Best Scriptures. 

This book had a different feel to it.  The book itself has its own history.  The card, still present on the back inside cover shows the long-ago route that it took between library and readers’ homes, dating back to 1940.  Its scent reminds me of the smell of the library that my Nana and I used to frequent down the street from her house on Abington Ave in Rosalyn, PA.  I first learned the love of reading when I went to live with Nana and Pop-Pop for some weeks during my summer vacation.  We would walk down the block to the small library and I would check out Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys mysteries.  Nana was not necessarily the maternal nurturing type, but she did nurture the academic in me. 

I always wonder if I was more influenced by nature or nurture.  Being adopted, and not knowing much about my biological family, the only thing I can do is to unfold stories through creative imagination of the characteristics of my birth family, and how I am who I am because of the genetics that were accidentally passed my way. 

I was given “non-identifying information” that was handed to my parents when they first took me home at the age of 8 weeks.  So, my story begins with the fragments of pre-life escorting me into the new family who agreed to love me and nurture me for my the remainder of my life.  My birth mom had a passion for creative writing.  My paternal grandfather was a highly educated theologian.  Perhaps my nature has been nurtured all along. 

The siddhas, sages and scriptures of spiritual philosophy speak of dharma…our life’s purpose.  It is proposed that our spirit chooses the manifestation of this lifetime…in essence, we choose the family to be born of, and the life that will support our spiritual realization in this incarnation.  As I venture each step into my dharma, I do know that I have chosen the right path.  My life is a mystery, unfolding forwards and backwards at each stage. 

As spring continues to show her mysteries, this time, I am enjoying the gifts of the stillness, the contemplation, the artful way that the divine spirit springs forth, granting me insight into my nature and the nature that surrounds me.  No longer does it have to be one aspect against another.  Instead, within nature, we see the nurture, like the swan stretching her wings and protecting her young. 

To be reminded of the lessons of grace of the swan, I placed a crystal swan on my altar.  Yesterday, it was bolstered by my new old book, Swan Song.  It was sitting just high enough so that the afternoon sunlight poured through the window above my altar.  As it did, the sunlight created tiny rainbows that drenched my home, reminding me of the beautiful spectrum that comes when I take time to slow down and see what is within. 

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In metaphysics and according to Animal Speaks by Ted Andrews, the swan teaches us to awaken to our inner beauty and power which is love.  As you realize your true self, you acquire the ability to bring your spiritual desires to physical form through manifestation.  It also teaches you how to see the inner beauty within yourself and others regardless of outer appearances.  When we are capable of this we become a magnet to others.  Swan energy helps us blend the spiritual and physical to create all that our heart desires.  It teaches the mysteries of song, poetry, music & art for these touch the child and beauty within.

The creative energy of spring is palpable as nature shows herself in many glorious ways! In the creek, around the corner from my house, a swan family grows. Sammy and Syndy show off their new babies. The pond in my front yard shows the lotus flowers springing up from the surface of the water, reminding me of the new beauty that this season has to offer. Grace constantly unfolds herself, like a toddler learning to play hide and seek with her fun-loving playmates.

Although we have been in the season of spring for more than a month, I finally feel her presence! I feel it in the way that I wake up in the morning, ready to greet the new day, appreciative of the mystery of what is yet to come. I feel like I am that toddler, once again seeking. I have removed the hands that covered my eyes, and am tickled to see what is being shown to me, now that I am ready to look.

I am reminded of the co-creative pulse of grace.  It is not just me by myself, but rather, I am guided by a bigger source of life, a source who wants abundance for me and the world.  I just have to tap into that flow in a conscious way and show up and act from the gift of all that life has to offer.  On my end, I must also know what to ask for. 

Here is my list (just so you readers out there can support me in creating!)

1. Love.
2. Creativity.
3. Energy to wake up early in the morning to enjoy the dawn and her gifts.
4. Support.
5. A teacher.
6. Students who need to hear what I have to share.
7. Abundance of resources so that I can share fully all that I am meant to share with my loved ones, students and world.

I believe in voicing my deepest desires…this is the only way that God hears.  Plus, I am held accountable to those around me cheering me on every step of the way.  At the same time, I hold the space for others to manifest their own desires and intentions. 

I am so blessed to have friends who have the same belief system that I do on this matter of manifesting.  I have a friend in Boston who shared with me the desire to have a new relationship in her life…one that is lasting, loving and supportive.  I hold the space for her in my thoughts and prayers.  I know it will happen.  She is ready and receptive.  My friend in Colorado, Krystyn, is manifesting abundance, and deeply desires to return “home” to Wilmington to continue the next phase of her life.  I’m sure when she gets here, she will manifest more abundance. 

Krystyn is the master manifest-or!  She lived with me for a few years as she was preparing for a sailboat excursion to the other side of the world.  When I first met her, she informed me that she would be leaving Wilmington on a sailboat.  Never once did she waiver from that dream.  She created a “vision board”, although it actually ended up as a collage on the closet door in her room.  It still hangs there, and on her last visit, we were checking out all of the pieces of this vision door that came true, or are in the process of coming true.  She never once doubted her ability to manifest the deepest desires of her spirit.  Even the day that I returned home to find my house broken into and her sailboat fund depleted by the thief, she began again with the knowledge that she would have to work even harder because her dreams would happen, no matter who tried to steal the dream from her.  To this day, she is still an amazing teacher, support and friend to me.

So, what is it that you want?  Share it with grace.  This is the season.  To every season there is a purpose.  Don’t let your purpose pass you by!  Show up…create…meet the energy of this new season with the energy of your inner child!  Play more, dream big, live fully and see what happens!  Let’s support each other as we create a world of abundant abundance.

If you want to see more of the swans and their babies, check out this link:  (courtesy of Erik Snyder’s neighbor, Cindy Simpson)

http://pictures.aol.com/ap/slideshow.do?albumId=4684.2667.1209418346012.3&shareInfo=qehO4z9cYlmcjIFPNvvk0a4dwqKYBPvs3u%252Be4fxv%252FWW%252FjFCnkV3ciA%253D%253D&user=guest

 

This weekend, create your intention map.  Here is how to do it:

Gather up all of your old magazines, a great friend, and a bottle of modge podge.  (Music is also a must!  I recommend www.pandora.com.)  Sit on the floor, and just flip through pictures, words, phrases, and cut out a picture of what you want to see in your life.  You don’t have to have a preliminary idea of what it will look like, rather, just let the flow direct you.  It will be interesting to see what comes up for you!  Once you have lots of pieces to put together, start modge-podging.  Your vision will start to take on a life of its own!  You can put it on a piece of poster board, or start a little smaller on an piece of construction paper.  You can also find inexpensive, wooden boxes at craft stores and even create an intention box.  The only rules are these:

1. Dream big!
2. How much do you really want this?  That is the energy that you will have to match with the desire!
3. Do you believe you can have this vision?  You have to believe it!
4. Create it!
5. Put your vision board somewhere that you see it daily.  Watch your intentions become manifestations. 

I would love to hear what you come up with!  Send me your comments, and your intentions will be supported! 

For some time now, I have been practicing Anusara Yoga.  With it, comes a way of experiencing asana through Universal Principles of Alignment™.  When I first entered into my Anusara practice, I was completely flexible and had minimal strength to support my flexibility.  I was always injured.  I kept pushing and pushing into my flexibility, which caused joint problems, especially through my SI joints, shoulders and hips. 

In my experience of life outside of asana, I experienced this lack of strength in various aspects of my life.  I felt beaten down many times.  I became very emotional, and when the hard emotions would come, I felt I had no control over them.  I could describe feeling as though I could bend over backwards as I watched people walk all over me.  Who could blame them?  I was letting it happen.  So, not only was my physical body way out of whack, but my spirit was just as beaten down.  Good thing that my will and my mind had the strength to keep me going.  I knew I was going to persevere…I had so many other times in my life.

When I found Anusara Yoga, I was ready for a new perspective.  I had no idea of what a change in perspective I would receive.  John Friend (the founder of Anusara Yoga) brilliantly created a system of yoga where you apply ordered alignment principles into any pose.  The beauty of this is that the alignment does not change, just because you are in a different yoga pose.  Instead of having to learn a different alignment for each pose, a practitioner practices the principles from a variety of perspectives (which are the various asanas). 

The principles of alignment have corresponding energetic benefits as well.  I began to practice cultivating more muscular energy within my asana.  When I did this, I felt more supported internally.  I noticed that I was not knocked off guard when I would hit a challenging time in my life.  I was able to stand taller with confidence and eventually, no pain in my body. 

In Anusara Yoga classes, you’ll hear a language that is unique, and I might add, a bit quirky.  Phrases such as “inner body bright”, “open to grace”, “root to rise”, and “hug the midline” are commonplace in an Anusara Yoga class.  These phrases and cues take some time to understand and embody from a layer of perspectives.  First, you may hear the cue.  Your brain processes the words, and has to find a way to access it within the body.  Simultaneous to hearing the cue, your mental and emotional bodies may have a reaction that either supports or limits the ability for your body to learn the technique.

One of my (very honest) students, Jill, came to me one day and said, “you know, I really don’t like the phrase, HUG THE MIDLINE.”  It seemed as though each time I would ask her to do this component of muscular energy, her body would fight against it, because it had no idea how to access and embody it.  Hugging the midline is created when you access the strength of your core energy to support the pose from within, rather than relying on the strength of the outermost muscles to hold the pose.  When I would use this cue in class, I would watch Jill have a mental reaction to it, then frustration would surely ensue. 

“Hugging the midline,” I would go on to explain, “means that you not only access the deepest portions of your strength, but you also access the deepest desires and the deepest aspects of your truth.”  When we access our truth, it is not always an easy moment.  Finding truth then requires us to act on that truth, otherwise the uncovering is in vain. 

Slowly, Jill began to soften externally, and redistribute the attention within the asana to find her midline.  Within her practice, I saw her become stronger from a deeper place.  Within her living, I witnessed the shift in her offering of her artistic gifts.  With each practice, I see a deeper clarity shining forth because she is learning to tap into the deepest aspects of herself. 

It is easy to embrace those we love, sometimes, more complicated to learn how to embrace the self most fully and authentically.

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Asana Practice to find the midline:

Tadasana(mountain pose)  Standing with your feet hip distance and grounded evenly through the four corners (inner toe mound, inner heel, outer toe mound and outer heel), Inhale and soften your effort.  On your next inhalation, imagine creating a warm embrace through your entire body, feeling as though your skin hugs the muscle and the muscle hugs the bone.  Keeping that, energetically draw the legs towards one another, without tensing the glutes and outer hips.  Instead, notice the inner shins, inner thighs and pelvic floor engage.  Draw into your midline from all directions, right/left, front/back, up/down.  Notice the inner strength that is accessed, and the softening of your outer body.

High Lunge  From mountain pose, fold forward into Uttanasana (standing forward fold) and step your left foot back into a high lunge.  Your finger tips are framing the front foot, so that you may lift the energy of your torso off of the front thigh.  Isometrically, draw your legs towards your center.  Notice the increased tone through your core, and the strength through your inner legs.  Maintain this support as you inhale, step forward with your back leg into Uttanasana again.  Switch sides.

Uttanasana  (Standing foward fold)  Stay connected through the four corners of your feet, as in Tadasana.  Place a yoga block between your legs (shins or thighs) so that your stance is still hip bone distance.  Squeeze the midline, as if you are trying to pull the sides of the mat towards one another, but no movement is evident.  With your exhalation, send the energy and intention of your breath from the core of your pelvis down your legs into the earth.  Once you have establish your roots, bring your hands to your hips, again, hug the midline, root down and unfold to return to Tadasana.

 ***Perform muscle energy with the emphasis on the Inhalation, feeling the energy of the breath draw into your core.  You will know that your are creating the support of the pose when you feel supported and steady from within. 

***Check out the journaling prompt page, also, for a contemplation on muscular energy/hugging the midline.

 

 

  

“Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.
….

Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

 

….

                                          Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness.
To be conscious is not to be in time
But only in time can the moment in the rose-garden,
The moment in the arbour where the rain beat,
The moment in the draughty church at smokefall
Be remembered; involved with past and future.
Only through time time is conquered. “

 

from T.S. Eliot, No. 1 of Four Quartets

 

____________________

 All in right time.  I know this to be true.  Lately, I feel as though I am in a kaleidescope of time, each moment, turning into the next, but at the same time, revisiting the past as if it were present.  Within the present, remain the threads of the past moments that leave such deep impressions on the psyche.  Within the present, lie the potential weaving of the future story.  All in divine time. 

My friend, Manoj, tells the story of travelling to India to a reader of the akashic records.  He came upon a reader who knew very specific information about him that could not be known to this person, such as the names of his wife and children.  Manoj was given very detailed stories of his existence in past, present and future, including the age of his death.  (Depak Chopra also tells of a similar story when he learned of his akashic record, soon after his father’s passing). 

Akasha is a sanskrit word meaning “ether”.  The akashic records are believed to be the records of the collective unconscious in all realities.  All life forms contribute to this collective record through thought and action.  In trying to understand this phenomenon, I imagine the reader to be in a deep state of meditation, projecting to the deeper state of the collective astral body, and plucking a thread from the larger tapestry of what we know as “reality”. 

As a child, I remember a conversation with a friend.  We were sitting in the back of the pea-green, fake wood sided, Buick station wagon, deep in serious discussion of what we were going to be when we grew up.  I remember the moment of sharing with her my vision of being a yoga teacher.  At that point, I had no idea what yoga was, really, other than seeing a woman on Johnny Carson perform a rocking horse Dhanurasana, but even then, I did not know this to be yoga.  I also shared with her my vision of having a place where people could come and feel good, and take care of themselves.  I was describing my yoga studio, only it was more than 25 years ago.  As my story unfolded through time, I forgot the conversation until years later, when I was actually living out that vision I saw so long ago.  I didn’t grow up with the desire to be a yoga teacher.  In fact, I didn’t take up the practice until I was in my 20s.

So, my question is…do we come into this lifetime with our full story awaiting?  Is it simply our job to show up and live out the reality of this unfolding story?  Is this why the lessons come back to me time and time again, waiting for me to take the passage that I didn’t take and perhaps open a door that I didn’t open years ago?  It is an interesting mystery, a journey that constantly unfolds and refolds back into itself, showing up as my own personal story.

I ask daily to follow my heart, listen more carefully, acknowledge the people who show up on my path.  With this, comes a deep trust in the support of grace, and the knowledge that all is as it should be.  We are all intermingling, dancing and sharing with each other our own personal story to create the greater story of the collective.  Thank you all for being a part of my story. 

Each moment is a chance to dive deeper into the pulse.  “Only through time time is conquered.”  T.S. Eliot

http://www.tristan.icom43.net/quartets/norton.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akashic_records

Special thanks to Rachael Crawford Goolsby for sharing with me this amazing poem by T.S. Eliot.  You are a true teacher and friend!  Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A while ago, I posted a Rumi poem for friends who were going through some “tough shit”.  I must admit, I was one of those people going through tough shit on that day.  Alice’s death hit me much harder than I initially realized it would.  It prompted me to remember the depth of the sadness that I felt when Kevin died.  I still remember that time in my life vividly. 

After the holidays, Kevin dropped me off at East Carolina for my second semester of classes.  He stayed a few days with Becky and me in our dorm, and we became pretty clever, sneaking him into the room before the curfew.  Until the last night.  We stayed out at the downtown bars until closing time, and stumbled back home (luckily in walking distance) to White Hall.  We were not so sneaky this night, and completely got busted by the RA.  Looking back now, I see it as divine intervention.  Kevin and I got kicked out of the dorm, and made our way to a hotel not too far away.  It was our last night together.  A day later, he was gone. 

Details of that time keep rushing back into my memories.  In many ways, it is overwhelming to remember.  Now, I see it as a gift.  When I was 18 and going through such deep grief, I had no idea what I was dealing with.  Now, it is becoming clearer and clearer.  It was not just a moment in time, it was a part of my dharma.  Kevin fulfilled his dharma in this lifetime, and our paths were meant to cross in such a way that I was there with him in the end. 

Here I am sixteen years later.  I have protected myself and kept myself safe, creating boundaries that would only let others in to the extent that I would allow.  I was in control. 

My lesson this week is to let go of that control, and to remember that I am supported by a much larger source of grace.  So, I planted my feet in the cool earth, stood by the creek, lifted my heart to the sky, trusted, and…DROPPED BACK!

For those of you not up on the yoga lingo… a drop back is a ”maneuver” in which the practitioner is standing upright, and leans back all the way into a full backbend.  Two years ago, I was dropped by a teacher in a drop back, and my head landed on the cement floor.  Luckily, I still had my hands on the ground, and I pushed my arms straight again, so I came back up out of it pretty quickly.  I know my inability to do a drop back until this point was a matter of trust. 

So, last week, my heart was full of trust for myself, my strength, my courage, and the support of the divine to carry me through all of my actions.  It was though I was hovering in that trust before my hands hit the earth.  When they did, my first mindthought was, “Hey, that wasn’t so bad!”

Once I finally accomplished this feat of faith, I felt invinsible.  It is as thought something in my physical body shifted to give me another perspective of the ability that I had within all along.  Just what I needed to propel me into my Friday night “breakthrough performance”. 

As you may know, I performed Liza Minelli in Cabaret (in lip-sync fashion) for the Friday night performance and fundraiser at Thalian Hall.  On Monday, I realized that being up on stage in high heels was a lot harder than I thought it would be.  About halfway through the dress rehearsal, I lost my focus and started sensing the fear in my body…predominately in my legs.  I felt the fear that rushed back to me reminding me of the time I stood above the 60 foot waterfall, getting ready to jump.

So, all week, I was attempting to shake the fear.  I continued to drop back.  It reminded me that I was supported, and that I could have faith in that support, no matter what. 

On Friday night, I stood behind the scenes watching all of the performers having the time of their lives.  Three minutes of fame, shining on stage, completely in the flow of the moment, having complete trust that it’s gonna be what it’s gonna be.  So, that’s what I did. 

I walked out on stage, and could not see a thing but the spotlight.  I embodied Liza…actually, I embodied Sally Bowles.  “What good is sitting all alone in your room?  Come hear the music play.”  It was a perfect song for a perfect time in my life.  I was Sally.  I felt my friends up in the balcony (probably because they were screaming the loudest) and sang to them.  Life is a cabaret that I plan on enjoying to the fullest!

Stay tuned for more contemplations on the performance, and if my technical abilities match my lip-sync-abilities, perhaps you will also see the performance itself…the best reason to continue to check back soon!

The Sanskrit language is so beautiful.  I am drawn to it because one word takes on a world of meaning.  Within one word, I can dive in and sit with its essence and meaning for a timeless day.  It’s as if I am holding a kalidescope to the word and can spin the barrel to see the meaning from many different perspectives. 

Satya.  Truth.  The deepest truth that you may ever know.  This is different than the truth that we learn in our formative years.  As a child, I soon learned the difference between right and wrong…and knew that to be truth.  I knew right away when I was in a lie, and the guilt would set in.  Of course, part of the transition into later adolescence comes with perfecting an ability to lie to cover up the reality of the undone homework assignment, the missed day of school, the party hosted while mom was away, the case of beer in the closet, waiting for the weekend party.

Now, as an adult who attempts to live a fully authentic life, I am once again contemplating truthfulness.  As a yogini, I am constantly trying to reach a place where I am living a fully truthful, fully concious existence.  I sat with a friend yesterday, drinking coffee, overlooking the water, contemplating truth.  What is it, really?  Does truth stop with speaking aloud only things that I can percieve as “truthful”?  My friend challenged my contemplation.  What if your heart tells you one thing, and you disregard it.  Is that truth?

Satya, in its deepest essence means “that which is unchangable”, “that which is beyond space, time and person”, “that which pervades the universe in constancy”. 

I remember my first day of first grade.  I walk past my kindergarten room and peak into the window at Mrs. Cole, my teacher from the year before.  She has a new class, I am moving onward and upward to first grade!  As I poke my nose into the glass window, I knock on the pane and she glances my way.  She smiles and waves.  I wave back.  I still remember this moment as if it were just a day ago.  In that moment, I felt the satya of my essence, the undying piece of myself.  It would not be until years later that I would realize what it was that I acknowledged.  In that moment of recognition, I felt ageless, timeless.  I was not 6 years old.  I was much older, much wiser, because it was my being that was looking into the room of my past, looking beyond the room into the truth that is unlimited by the time space continuum.

So, I come back to the question posed to me earlier…”If you feel the truth of your heart, but disregard its message, are you still in truth?”  There is truth, then there is action.  If it happens that action does not align with truth, life feels more chaotic and disconnected. 

The glimpses of this immutable essence of the self come to me often times when I least expect it.  I am continuing on my path of life and suddenly, a cosmic slap in the face wakes me up to remind me to pay attention and live in my truth: not just the right/wrong truth, but the truth that is the deepest aspect of my soul.  I guess my job is to wake up, listen and act.

How is that for truth?

 

I have some friends right now going through some tough shit.  This is the Rumi poem (translation by Coleman Barks)  that I come back to time and time again, each time I read the words, I get a different hit of meaning.  Enjoy! 

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

___________________________________

Our teachers come in so many forms.  Some of my biggest lessons in life came to me through (perceived) tradgedy, when life was seemingly “shaken, not stirred”.  So, now, I am learning how to honor the teachings and teachers who show up in moments of pain, grief and sadness.  There is always light at the other side.  Mary Oliver lovers will appreciate this one…http://mindfulness.ucsd.edu/poetry.htm#journey.

These poems are dedicated to all of my friends and loved ones moving forward through hard times. 

With deep love and admiration for all that you are and what you each teach me,

Ash

 

 

Reading through an old post, I realize, “I’ve done it again!”  I manifested this new, crazy expression of Ash.  A couple of months ago, I remembered the times of my dance recitals with such fondness, that I think I called this one to me through bringing up the feeling of my stage days!

After a recent yoga class, my student asks me to take the place of a performer who dropped out at the last moment for a local fundraiser for the non-profit organization she works for.  I agreed to perform a lip-syncing performance of Liza Minelli’s “Cabaret” for the big fundraiser of the year.  Finally, I realized what I just agreed to:  a solo performance at Thalian Hall.  Thalian is a big-time theater…not just the little theater that is situated around a bar and a room of tables.  My original vision of this breakout performance (which is why I said yes in the first place) was, of course, the bar.

Sonja goes on to explain that it’s a pretty large scale event with a red-carpet function before the performance.  Many local leaders, celebrities and such were all doing numbers that they have been practicing for months.  Some of the high-end tickets were going for as much as $100.  What have I done?  The last time I paid that much for entertainment tickets, I was in Miami partying it up with Madonna.  I realized I better get to work!  I ran home that day, and googled Liza Minelli performing Cabaret.  Thank God for the internet! 

I closed the curtains, cranked up the music and blasted out Liza.  She sang right to me!  “What good is sitting alone in your room?  Come hear the music play…”  I felt like I did when I was a kid, downstairs in the family room, playing ABBA and lipsynching to the words, really feeling the music and the message in the music.  I suddenly became Liza. 

It’s fun to pretend to be someone else.  I needed this little diversion to remind me to play again.  Come to the Cabaret!

Mark your calendars!  April 18th, 8pm, Thalian Hall.  “A Night at the Oscars” Benefitting The Carousel Center.