On Monday night, I began my year long spiritual study with Paul Muller-Ortega.  Leading up to this time, I have felt a spectrum of emotions, knowing that I am preparing to embark on a journey into the unknown.  In actuality, I realize that every moment is a journey into the unknown, but often times, we just blindly walk without regard to what we are actually doing.  This, instead, is a journey of consciousness.

Paul spoke of refined wisdom.  The wisdom of the current of shakti reveals itself systematically as we experience life.  I have been contemplating over the past year this concept of time, and how it shows me the lessons that I need to see.  Usually, I don’t get it the first go around, and often not the 2nd or 3rd, either.  The important lessons in life continue to come in one form or another until we really wake up and refine our wisdom in order to understand what has been given. 

As I sat listening to the initial lecture, I propped myself against the wall in my yoga room.  It just became my yoga room again, after my roommate (who never moved in) called last week to let me know he was not moving in.  I experienced a moment of panic, where my mind began racing…”what am I going to do?”  “I was expecting the rent today…”  My trigger with money goes pretty deep.  At an early age, I was ingrained to believe that we never had enough.  My mom’s favorite phrase at one point was, “we are broke.”  To a young child, being broke meant that something did not work. 

Even as an adult, I have to work hard to release the hold that this concept has over me.  Because many of my passions have been in financially uncompensated time, I am again in a place where the reality of my depleted funds challenges me to live creatively (how is that for turning around the concept of being broke?) 

My next trigger is “I am alone.”  After ending a 5 year relationship at the beginning of the year, and saying goodbye to my 15 year old cocker spaniel, Chelsea, I am staring reality in the face.  So, I stuff about 10 pillows in my bed, and borrow (steal) friends dogs to simulate what was there before.  It doesn’t really work. 

The answer?  I need a roommate…2 birds with one stone!  I can deal with the money issue and the alone issue all in one swoop!  Needless to say, it doesn’t work, either. 

So, as I sat in my newly claimed yoga room and listened to Paul’s wisdom.  I exhaled and remembered that all is well, I have all that I need.  I felt the universal current that runs through each of us.  I am not alone, I am very much connected.  My current reality is just a refining piece so that I can really learn what I really need to learn this go around.

I am thankful for the space that I have been given to see what I need to see at this point in my life.

Thanks for being on the journey with me!