Did I mention that I am surrounded by a community of strong women here in Monteverde?  One of the concepts in Yoga Teacher Training that continues to spiral around and through our practice is the balance of action and surrender. Our group would often get stuck on the idea of 100%.

“If I let go, is this still 100%?”

“What does balanced action look like?  Or, more importantly, what does it feel like?”

Often, the practice of Yoga (and, more specifically, Yoga Teacher Training certifications) attract the overachiever.  We arrive to the mat stressed out from attempting to be perfect and measure up to an unattainable ideal and bar that we have set for ourselves, sometimes unconsciously.

That was my story.

It wasn’t enough that I was a full-time occupational therapist, I agreed to manage our OT staff, teach about 10 aerobics classes a week, and felt the need to commute 2 hours one way to graduate school, because I still didn’t know “enough” to be the BEST practitioner.

I knew that I needed another approach, so I crawled onto the Yoga mat at the gym, hearing that Yoga would help me manage my stress and relax.  Half-way through the class, I was wondering when this magical moment would happen when I would feel better.  Happily, I was given permission at the end of the hour to lie down on my mat and do NOTHING.

Wow, what an amazing concept.  Doing nothing feels so good.  I had not even realized that I can feel so good just lying here.  Who knew???

Not long after I began my practice, I was approached to teach, which started my cycle of madness again.

I’ll just add this one more thing into my schedule.  I feel so good, and if I do this Yoga Teacher Training, I can teach more classes that won’t be so hard on my body.  It’s a no-brainer, sign me up!

It took me years to understand my perfectionistic tendencies and push my will into manifestation.  I still have to keep a close inner eye on my need to get my desire to existence in the way that I want to see it.

As I have become more skillful in recognizing this little monster, she now shows up in more subtle ways:  attempting to overgive to someone who may not want to receive what I have to offer, trying to exert my ideals on the person standing in front of me who has a very different perspective of his or her personal truth. And now, my practice is to recognize this form of over-effort in the subtler realms.

I learned a new word in Spanish that relates to this practice:  Entregarse.  It was offered to me by a colleague during a divinely orchestrated healing session yesterday.  I wrote the word down in my journal, remembering to google it when I returned home.

Entregarse…

verbo reflexivo
1 to give oneself up, surrender
2 to abandon oneself, give oneself over
3 to devote oneself
My friend also added the following:
Entregarse . . . .also the idea of letting go of outcome, surrendering to process, trusting that one is being held  by the divine in and for the highest good.
The balance point is the stillness between the action and surrender.  This idea of letting go doesn’t mean that we do nothing.  It means that we show up fully, recognizing that fullness may look and feel different, depending on the forces of the moment.  Perfection is just that, the balance of giving and receiving; action and surrender.  Perfection is not some checklist that has to be met in order to go to sleep at the end of the day.  That checklist is judgement.
Just to remind me of this practice of finding that delicate balance, I kept a framed card on my altar for years.  It read:
Persevere.
Plan.
Strategize.
Focus.
Breathe.
Write.
Let go.
Relax.
Forgive.
All this failing:  Take a nap.
This is why I continue to return to my mat time and time again.  I love that little nap at the end!

 

 

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