Anusara

A few years ago, I literally fell into the practice of Anusara Yoga.  My good friend, Diane, convinced me to attend a yoga conference in NYC.  The bigger yoga conventions are really not my thing…for the same reason all-you-can-eat buffets are not my thing:  too much of everything.  I was not too sure that I could even physically handle the conference.  I had just been through a challenging year, which left me physically and emotionally brusied and raw.  My business partner and I had just gone our separate ways, which triggered a deep depression, where I developed insomnia and excrutiating physical pain.  I was just on the mend physically, and climbing back up the hill emotionally.  But, I love New York, and Diane is always a good travel buddy, so I figured a trip to practice yoga for 4 days straight in New York could be a good idea.  At that point, I had no idea what I was getting ready to dive into!

The keynote speaker of that event was John Friend.  I had heard about Anusara at that time, but never had the opportunity to experience the practice for myself.  That night, Diane and I sat on the floor close to the stage, and this 40-something year old guy, who did not look like a yogi, walked out, took off his shoes and sat cross-legged in the chair.  As he began telling his story of his mother’s death, I clung to every word.  The message was not about death, but rather about life within death.  He spoke of the joy within the pain of her passing, and of the full spectrum of experience, emotions and sensation that we are able to have as embodied spirits.  As John spoke, I began to understand a little more about the past year of my struggle. 

All it took was that brief opening night talk, and I was hooked.  I went to the registration desk and changed all of my classes to immerse myself into the practice of Anusara Yoga.  I had not experienced one asana practice…but I didn’t need to, it was the heart of the practice that drew me in.

This new yoga had a language all of its own, including a chant in the beginning of each practice.  I felt like I just stumbled into a level 4 French class, without taking the correct pre-requisites (which did, in fact, happen to me in high school).  I happily sat in the corner, and humbly received as a hundred or so practitioners chanted around me.  Although I did not know what the words were, or what they meant, I knew that I was in the right place as I felt chills explode up and down my spine.  I wrote fervently in my journal, listing words and phrases such as auspicious, spanda, kula, tejase…  I wanted to know…not just know the meaning of the words, I wanted to experience the embodiment of the deeper meaning.  I was ready to dive deep.

The word Anusara comes from the ancient Vedas:  Shakti Napata Anusaranum…”By stepping into the current of grace, the seeker becomes empowered to hold that which is most valuable.”  I was so empowered by what that meant, I came home and painted the phrase on my wall so that I could wake up each morning and remind myself that I was swimming in the current of grace daily.

As I began to practice differently that weekend in New York, I healed physically, emotionally and spiritually.  My back no longer hurt, my spirit began to shine again, and I started forgiving myself for my role in the demise of my business partnership.  By the end of that weekend, I found my teacher, Todd Norian.  I decided to enroll in his teacher training that was beginning about 6 months from that time. 

At the end of a very full weekend, (a hip opener workshop with John…you know about hip openers, they open the 2nd chakra…source of intimate relationships), I met one of dearest friends, Pierce Brown (now Lila P. Brown), who became a teaching partner, teacher, spiritual sister and sometimes counselor, and fellow yoga-studio owner.  In that one weekend, as I released my sorrow and grief of the loss of Amy (my previous partner), I gained a new friend, mentor and teacher. 

Six months later, the night before I left for the first module of my Anusara training, Betsey Downing (who John Friend refers to as the Grande Dame of Anusara Yoga) was teaching a workshop at Seaside Yoga.  On a referral from one of our Seaside instructors who knows Betsey personally, I scheduled her about 9 months prior to her workshop, well before I even knew what Anusara yoga was.  I found it very auspicious that the weekend that I taking my next jump into the deeper current, Betsey was supporting my community of students and teachers, and sharing with them the practice of Anusara…just a little wink from divine.

     With gratitude, I thank my early Anusara teachers:  John Friend, Todd Norian and Ann Greene, Lila Pierce Brown, and Betsey Downing.

All the world’s a stage…

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players:  they have their exits and their entrances and one man in his times plays many parts…”  Shakespeare

I remember memorizing this soliloquy in 7th grade, really never understanding it at the time.  I guess at that time I was playing the part of the school girl, rather than creeping to school with the shining morning face (as Jaques illustrates in his melancholy portrait of the second stage of man), I usually had to scream up to my mom that I had yet again missed the bus because I pushed the snooze one too many times.  At that stage of my life, I had no idea of the role that I was beginning to create for myself.  Even 10 years before this one, at the naive age of 24, the age of the woeful lover, I could never have contemplated this role that I am continuing to refine and rehearse.  I guess according to Jacques, I am now in the stage of the soldier (in my translation:  the warrior), standing on the spiritual battlefield of life like Arjuna from the Bhagavad Gita, trying to see all of life from his limited perspective.

Well, maybe life is not so dire as the ancient poets and philosophers saw it.  Perhaps, it’s actually more of a divine comedy…the “lila”… or divine play.  I am starting to not take it all too seriously, but at the same time, understand that this gift of this life is serious business. 

It’s sometimes too mindblowing to realize the fine middle point of serious play.  As Mary Oliver writes, “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”  I am doing it…or am I?  I love my life, the community that I have created, the service that I provide to my little world (or big world…depending on how I view it on any given day), my relationships, my house, my dog, my altar, my yoga practice, my health…  My gratitude goes on, but at the same time, I feel compelled to do more, like there is a looming role that awaits my audition.

What is it that I plan to do with my one wild, precious life?  Am I in the midst of my second act, coming close to an intermission? Suddenly realizing that I don’t know the rest of my lines, this act feels a bit surreal.  Here I am…34 years old, and I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  Does every actor come to this part in the play and just throw his hands up and say, “screw the script!”?

Maybe it’s not time for intermission.  There are still many acts ahead, waiting to be created.  Many actors and actresses integral to the core of my play are looming in the wings contemplating the perfect comedic timing.  Some of them are still in the dressing room, changing costumes, perfecting their stage make-up, eating a snack, awaiting their grand entrance.

When I was little, I wanted to be a dancer.  I remember the pagentry of our end of the year dance recitals.  The best was when I finally got to the age where I was helping out behind the scenes during the 3 day production.  I thought that I had really hit the big time, not only dancing on the Broadway-sized stage at Oven’s Auditorium, but also graduating to the role of telling the younger dancers where to go and what to do, so that their parents could watch a whole year’s worth of dance lessons accumulate into a 3 minute tap dance to “Yankee Doodle Dandee”. 

We each have our roles in the production.  Some, sit and watch and applaude the beauty of the dance.  Others are the dancers: creating, moving, entertaining.  Many more run around behind the scenes, prompting the process along, making sure that the performers take the cues and the lights hit the stage in the perfect way. 

I want it all…and I have had it all…nothings says that it can’t happen again.

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Asana practice:  Sunday, January 6, 2008

• Lunge variations (hand to inside foot; parsva (side), played with it!)
• Ajaneyasana (worked thigh bone back, tailbone down)
• Vinyasas (with twisting Bhujangasana…creating lots of length and fun play)
• From lunge to hip opener (like pigeon prep)
• Parsvatonnasana
• Parivritta Trikonasana
• Seated hip openers (bow/arrow, baby cradle)
• Surya chakrasana (sun dial)
• Vishmavitrasana (pinnacle)

My Little Demon

I don’t get to the movies much, I have figured out it is because I don’t like to sit still for the duration of the flick.  But, my mom is a movie buff, so for her birthday, I took her to see “The Golden Compass”.   In it, a young girl, Lira, lives in a parallel universe who’s inhabitants are accompanied by their “demons” who take an animal form.  Their demons become a part of their character, as well as an integral part of their life force.   

 In this universe, only when the individual became an adult, did the form of their animal demon solidify.  Until then, as a child, the demon form walking beside the young boy or girl would often take shape based on the situation at hand.  The humans in this world did not judge their demons, rather, they reveared them, and cultivated a relationship with them. 

Researching the concept of the demon on wikipedia, I found a long history that spans cultures and centuries.  Demons are real!  I should know, I walk around with my demon daily.

 My demon takes the form of a shy, scrawny animal, one who wants to hide when the going gets tough.  She stays with me through the tough times, often like a little child who needs to be held in times of sickness.  My demon does not feel very well when I hit my edge.  She lets me know that she is right there with me, and very real.  My demon (we’ll call her Little Ash), sometimes plays the role of the abandoned child, becoming so independent that she pushes friends and family away.  When she shows herself, I choose to offer her love and compassion.  I remind her that she is valid and is here to teach me something about myself.

Little Ash is the one who goes off to hide by herself for hours on end in silence, reemerging when she settles back down into a place of peace.  Like a little baby snuggly wrapped in a blanket, so that the nervous system becomes calmed and quieted, my little demon needs her own space and quiet.

I used to curse Little Ash, until I began to see her in a different light.  She is a part of me.  If I curse her, I curse myself.  It is still a practice to see all parts of myself as divine.  There are pieces of me that I bring out more than others.  I don’t mind letting others see the strong self, the confident self, the self-assured self.  The demon self is a little harder to introduce to others, because I am still getting to know and love Little Ash on my own. 

In order for me to love myself, I am learning to love all of myself.  It is a practice, just like standing on my forearms is a practice.  If I can embrace Pincha Mayurasana (Peacock Feather Pose), I can surely embrace Little Ash.

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Asana Practice:

Downward Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana) with emphasis on Shoulder Loop and hugging forearms to the midline.

Plank Holds to Down Dog

High Lunge and variations

Adho Mukha to Vashistasana (Muscle Energy from hand to shoulder)

Forward Bends (Uttanasana/variations) with contemplation of looking inward

Pincha Preps with block (really working muscle energy to the midline:  as always!)

Full Pinchy Mayurasana (focus on shoulder stability and hugging to midline)

Seated Forward Folds (Paschimottanasana)

Child’s Pose (Balasana)

Savasana

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Meditation to embrace the inner demon

Sitting in front of a mirror, eyes softly opened, invite your gaze into the depth of your own eyes.  Stay for a few minutes, as if you are getting to know a new friend, and are absorbed into a deep conversation that seemlessly stops time.  Go deeper into the gaze of your own eyes.  Go beyond what you think you know of yourself.  Move into a place of true inner knowing.  This is a place where all parts of you converge.  The parts of yourself that you choose to share with others sit beside the pieces of you that have made “mistakes” in the past.  All pieces of you create this divine essence that take the form of you.  As you sit, let your eyes softly close, until you become absorbed into the stillness of the true self.  In the depths of that stillness, you find a place that is peaceful, blissful, and true conciousness.  Within that space, there are no responsibilities, there are no mistakes, there are no triumphs…there just is pure essence.  Stay here and revel in the beauty of the space within the demon, the space within the persona of yourself.