Gratitude

The smell of cilantro and basil pouring through a springtime kitchen,

The taste of German chocolate,

The sights of purple lizzies on my table and purple petunias through the back window,

The touch of my animals, snuggling up to say good morning,

The sounds of nature greeting the new day,

The feeling of security, support and shelter.

The choices of freedom and life.

I am grateful.

Keeping up with the reports of such deep destruction, trauma and despair in Myanmar and China, I began to feel guilty for having such a safe, comfortable existence.  Actually, I have felt more guilt in the complaints that I have about my life.  The list is too trivial to even discuss or think of it in light of the suffering that continues in the world today. 

The philosophy of the tantra teaches me to see the hand of grace in everything.  It is so hard to understand that even destruction of this magnitude holds life and learning within the darkness.  I just keep trusting.  So, today, I sit and offer light to those in need, and offer support to those I am able to touch on a daily basis.  This is my yoga today. 

Satya

The Sanskrit language is so beautiful.  I am drawn to it because one word takes on a world of meaning.  Within one word, I can dive in and sit with its essence and meaning for a timeless day.  It’s as if I am holding a kalidescope to the word and can spin the barrel to see the meaning from many different perspectives. 

Satya.  Truth.  The deepest truth that you may ever know.  This is different than the truth that we learn in our formative years.  As a child, I soon learned the difference between right and wrong…and knew that to be truth.  I knew right away when I was in a lie, and the guilt would set in.  Of course, part of the transition into later adolescence comes with perfecting an ability to lie to cover up the reality of the undone homework assignment, the missed day of school, the party hosted while mom was away, the case of beer in the closet, waiting for the weekend party.

Now, as an adult who attempts to live a fully authentic life, I am once again contemplating truthfulness.  As a yogini, I am constantly trying to reach a place where I am living a fully truthful, fully concious existence.  I sat with a friend yesterday, drinking coffee, overlooking the water, contemplating truth.  What is it, really?  Does truth stop with speaking aloud only things that I can percieve as “truthful”?  My friend challenged my contemplation.  What if your heart tells you one thing, and you disregard it.  Is that truth?

Satya, in its deepest essence means “that which is unchangable”, “that which is beyond space, time and person”, “that which pervades the universe in constancy”. 

I remember my first day of first grade.  I walk past my kindergarten room and peak into the window at Mrs. Cole, my teacher from the year before.  She has a new class, I am moving onward and upward to first grade!  As I poke my nose into the glass window, I knock on the pane and she glances my way.  She smiles and waves.  I wave back.  I still remember this moment as if it were just a day ago.  In that moment, I felt the satya of my essence, the undying piece of myself.  It would not be until years later that I would realize what it was that I acknowledged.  In that moment of recognition, I felt ageless, timeless.  I was not 6 years old.  I was much older, much wiser, because it was my being that was looking into the room of my past, looking beyond the room into the truth that is unlimited by the time space continuum.

So, I come back to the question posed to me earlier…”If you feel the truth of your heart, but disregard its message, are you still in truth?”  There is truth, then there is action.  If it happens that action does not align with truth, life feels more chaotic and disconnected. 

The glimpses of this immutable essence of the self come to me often times when I least expect it.  I am continuing on my path of life and suddenly, a cosmic slap in the face wakes me up to remind me to pay attention and live in my truth: not just the right/wrong truth, but the truth that is the deepest aspect of my soul.  I guess my job is to wake up, listen and act.

How is that for truth?